This will come off as polarizing, I am sure. On the one hand, someone will read this and know exactly why saying ‘no’ is important. On the other hand, someone will read this and be insulted. What I want to do with this blog is first evaluate why saying ‘no’ is important, why saying ‘no’ is hard, and how to say ‘no’ effectively.
Saying no to things is an important aspect of professional life. Instead of thinking that we are saying no to someone, we should think that we are saying yes to something or someone currently more important to you. What is important to you? Family, people working for you, people paying you, and then everyone else. This could be your hierarchy, or it could be re-ordered, but evaluating what is important to you is a critical step to understanding why saying no is important.
Take into consideration that at certain stages of life, there are different levels of significance for certain entities. Starting out in your career, there may not be a lot that is getting in the way of saying yes to everything. As we grow in our career and in age, our priorities change. We have more people who are depending on us for various reasons that make them more of a priority. The need to say no to certain things becomes more important.
Understanding that not being able to commit to every request is logical does not make the decisions any easier. A really admirable aspect of Strength and Conditioning is how committed we are to serving others. We cut our teeth as interns, we are developed by always being available and willing, and we take great pride in doing what it takes with every task……
Can you be here at 5am and stay to 8pm everyday this week? Yes!
Can you go out and spend countless hours researching by reading and attending seminars out of pocket? Yes!
Can you take on: Nutrition, Analytics, Return to Play, Accountability, Competition, on top of your jobs in Speed Development, Conditioning, and Strength/Power Development? Yes!
Can you write a program for me? Yes!
Can you answer every question I ask? Yes!
We are trained as coaches to say yes to anything and everything. We have conditioned ourselves to only saying yes. Part of our perceived value is tied to how willing we are to do what is asked of us at all times. It is not a bad thing to be willing to go further than others when it comes to serving. It does have consequences which are often overlooked and which could directly impact your primary job responsibilities and the people who are depending on you.
Saying yes to everything comes at a cost. Most importantly, we lower our value when we commit to everything without direct compensation. If a coach asks you to write a program for their spouse and you do it for free, that automatically lowers the perceived and actual value of your services. This could be viewed as a long-term play to get in a position with a coach down the road (quid pro quo dynamic). That could happen, but it does not change the fact that your hourly rate is now zero. That time could have been spent on a variety of things that would be of more value to you: continuing education that could lead to direct increase in value you provide, training your staff which would provide direct value to your athletes, knocking out administrative work which would allow you to finish work at an earlier time, etc. The point is that unless you are being paid for your time directly, anything outside the direct responsibilities you are asked to do for no compensation lowers your value.
The good part about growing in a profession is that your perceived value is more readily understood. When someone rises to making six figures, they are not asked as frequently to do quid pro quo situations. An argument could be made that that six figure salary arose because a person was willing to do things earlier on for the sake of building relationships. But it is still important to evaluate how to say no to things, especially as your time becomes more valuable.
First off, it is flattering when someone thinks you bring value and wants your advice or service. It is important to not lose sight of someone asking for something that is not intended to be insulting or trying to steal your time. But as the old saying goes: “If you are good at something, never do it for free.” We need to understand our value and what our time is worth.
Committing to something needs to be evaluated compared to something that brings you direct compensation. You, the person giving up their time, makes that choice. That choice is not made by the person asking you for your time. If you feel as though someone is asking you for something that requires compensation, tell them. If that person is insulted, that is on them. If you do not think that the task is not a good use of your time, you have every right to say no to that person.
It is up to you if you want to explain that you are really busy and you cannot take on more work. It is not exactly necessary, but it comes off as a softer ‘no’ if you explain how much you have going on at the moment. On the other hand, if you just want to say no, that’s your choice, too. You just have to understand that a person potentially feels vulnerable asking you for something and it could come off as insensitive when you flat out say no without explanation.
Saying no is probably harder on you than to just give up the time to help that person on whatever request they may have. But where does it end? There have to be boundaries. Boundaries should come directly from the energy and time it would take you to execute the task being asked of you.
Remember: saying yes to someone effectively means you are saying no to someone or something else. It is not a bad thing to be strategic with your time. It is a matter of priorities and how you structure your day to optimize what is most important to you.