This book is just another example of your network and helping you with your education. I was discussing with Anthony Renna, host of Strength Coach Podcast, how hard it is to interview people on the pH Podcast. Ant immediately recommended this book. Pro tip: whenever you get a book recommendation put it on your amazon wishlist so you have a running list of books to buy.
The most important message in this book is empathy with communication. A personal story from Alda was when he was working with Science America and interviewing scientists in various areas, he would prepare as much as possible to be capable of having an intelligent conversation with his counterpart. What he found was that this led to robotic and meaningless conversations. It enabled the interviewee to talk over Alda in the conversation. As Alda discussed, this is a recurring problem with experts and the people they are supposed to be helping.
He talked through several circumstances where doctors, engineers, scientists all have to interact with everyday people. They are either closed off and do not communicate properly or they feel stressed by having to explain their rationale. So Alda took a shot at not preparing for one of his interviews to see what would happen. He walked into that situation as a child would and kept asking why until he felt he got an answer he could understand.
What it did was create a much more even dialogue between the two sides. On his side, he was able to speak for the people listening that we do not understand what the expert was saying. On the expert’s side, there was a demonstration of their intelligence and the ability to work through problems in a sequential and easy to understand manner. This is the heart of conversation – having empathy so that if I do not understand, I need to express it, and if the person I am talking to does not understand, I need to help them.
The conversation branched off into using improvisation techniques as a means to developing communication empathy. A valuable tool is to respond with “yes and.” This sets up the conversation to continue until both sides feel comfortable. This strategy is useful in everyday conversations, in work, and in customer relationships.
I recently applied some of these strategies in my last podcast with a couple of very intelligent coaches named Rob Jacobs and Chris Chase. My message before we started was that my goal was to get them talking as much as possible. This is a struggle for me, and so my questions often come off as long winded. My strategy was to ask fewer questions and apply “yes and” to their answers.
It is like anything: you have to work at it. If you do, you find yourself being so much more engaged in what they are saying. If you find you are listening just to wait for your opportunity to interject the next question, it may come off as cold and not conversational. It also restricts the interviewee. When you are engaged with what the person is saying and you allow the conversation to flow in the direction they are going using “yes and,” you can get a much better understanding of what they are saying.
Obvious statement: communication is important. I always used to joke with the administration I worked with that I can make you like me anytime I want. All I have to do is just repeat back to you what you say to me. In this way, I am not saying anything; I am just making you feel like I am listening based on my ability to repeat what you said. It also confirms that I agree with you. There is a sense of sarcasm in this, in that it demonstrates a certain narcissism and a person’s need for constant reassurance. But it ties into a deeper fundamental question: is anyone really listening to each other?
People with power are no different from the rest of us; they deserve to be listened to when they are saying something. If the message comes out as, stop and listen, then that is a huge win. It will help in more than just being able to interview someone on a podcast. It is a fundamental skill, and it is what every one of us deserve.