Mortality is an interesting conversation. 

I read these books from time to time. Not because I am curious about death or I seek some greater meaning from life. But does serve as a good reminder that we do have a short time on earth and we better make the most of it. 

Some other books come to mind: 

• The Last Lecture by Pausch, Randy
• Tuesdays with Morrie by Albom, Mitch
• Being Mortal Illness, Medicine and What Matters in the End by Gawande, Atul

Lessons are always centered on how we make decisions, we make mistakes, and we have successes, but the only thing that matters is the relationships we create have the most profound impact on the world. It becomes abundantly clear that listening to these men talk about their or loved ones’ mortality we can only live a life of purpose and meaning through direct relationships within our lives. 

What is always the case with these books are lessons from people who accomplished something they wanted to accomplish before passing. Having families, reaching professional milestones, and accomplishing their dreams are all foundational to the explanation of personal connection to others is the meaning of life. How you should face death is the same way you face life, through direct interaction and connection to those around you. 

What was interesting about Kalanithi approach was he was on the upward trajectory of his life. He was talking about all the things he was not able to accomplish. You got the feeling that this was a journal about processing that his life was cut dramatically short. He was writing about how his life was just starting by finishing his residency as a neural surgeon and was going to begin teaching. He made it through a rough patch with his wife and was looking forward to a renewed relationship with her in the future. He had his first baby and was a father for the first time. His life was just starting, and in an instant, it was gone. 

An interesting note was how he was supposed to accept his mortality. He kept discussing his passion for writing but was compelled to finish what he started as a neural surgeon. It was almost as if he was evaluating the sunk cost of time, money, and health, and his relationship with his wife would be a disappointment if he did not finish. This is amazing to think about considering that the feeling of guilt of not finishing something after you die may or may not happen. It felt paradoxical for him to write about how important him finishing what he started as a doctor and how writing was almost a distraction to that, while writing about it. You can feel the anguish over how torn he was over spending his last time on earth working, trying to help others live longer, and then spending the remainder of his free time writing about his life and what it all meant. In a sense, it was a last letter to his family about how he wanted to spend his last moments on earth. 

We face this dilemma every day, just not at the magnitude of facing certain death as an alternative. Driving into work at 430am, missing so much of those around you life, and living in places you had no interest in living but were so passionate about your career make deciding what is a life worth living hard to distinguish. The finish line is so undermined is what makes it hard to decide on what will bring us the most fulfillment in life is why we choose things that for intensive purposes do not make us happy. 

It is impossible to not compare what you read in this book to what you experience in your life. I think all of these books are an attempt to share wisdom on what life should mean and how you should approach living. Will it change you immediately? Probably not, we are violent creatures of habit. Will it make you appreciate short term all that you do have? I hope so. My mother died from cancer when I was seven, I often forget I grew up without a mother. I look at my children and hope that I can be there for them as long as I can. I want to be there for everything in their life and stand beside them when they reach milestones and setbacks. I have no control over that, but I can control how I choose to spend the time I do have with them. 

These books are only as good as the emotional state you are in. Sometimes it can be hard to read and face the reality of imminent death. Sometimes it can be empowering to live a life of meaning and purpose. It is all entirely on you. I can tell you this, if you are not thinking of how you can make an impact on those around you for the better, you probably should read this. The connectedness of how you interact and love those directly around you will be your legacy not what job you do.