This is the area I personally struggle with. I get a lot of requests for people coming by seeing my gym, giving them advice, and just general S&C questions. On one hand it is incredibly flattering that someone cares about your perspective. On the other hand it is a huge time commitment that honestly leaves a lot of frustration.
The definition of a mentor is someone who is considered an experienced trusted advisor. Pretty broad description to be honest. On what hand what is experience? Is it time served, knowledge obtained, resume/roster of teams/athletes coached? As well, what is a trusted advisor? Is it someone that has your best interests, someone that is honest and direct, is it someone that can give valuable insight into something?
We have gurus in our industry that will pass information in a polarizing manner. This is compelling and quite frankly interesting. We have humble, servant minded S&C coaches that just go about their business without paying any attention to who notices them. We have a dichotomy with archetypes that make selecting a mentor really challenging.
What is the dynamic between the mentor and mentee? Is it quid pro quo, where both parties are gaining value from one another? Is it transactional where the mentor charges the mentee for their time? Is it arbitrary where the mentee is using the mentor for short cuts or access to their network?
The reason I struggle so much with mentoring is that I can never decipher which is what. I am skeptical by nature, so trusting that the person that is seeking my advice is doing it with the pretense of altruistic reasons of being a great coach. I find aspiring S&C coaches are very indecisive in what they want and just cherry pick concepts or ideas to meet their needs.
The other area I struggle with is that I have a large number of people that have interned under me. Over ten years of college S&C and now approaching five as a business owner I have accumulated over a 100 interns through the year. I believe in the mantra hire slow – fire fast. Home grown developed talent has always been my priority with developing my staff in each setting I have worked. Their strengths as a leader is a reflection of their leader. To say that someone coming off the street with no skin in the game can just get access to knowledge and experience is a disservice to their commitment.
By and large the mentor dynamic is a really challenging aspect of the profession for someone that has reached a certain level in the industry. Guy Ross on NPR’s How I Built This asked Gary V if he enjoyed the constant onslaught of questions and requests; his response was unequivocally yes. He stated the reason as to why is that he is getting validation and love from people and that kept him going.
I would say myself and most S&C would be classified as introverts. The people that gravitate towards S&C are ones that take pride in the work, value commitment, and take ownership for their success or failures. When introverts are asked of themselves to be available to someone else for their insight it feels unnatural. Unlike Gary V, this is draining. It feels unnatural for people to value you, our validation comes from other sources.
Bill Hartman told me to reach out anytime at his Intensive. I mentioned I would prefer if I paid for his time out of respect. He said he determines who gives his time to. I was taken back by that approach. The idea that the mentor chooses who they give advice to seems so abstract. What criteria constitutes who gets your time?
My default personally unless you work for me you got to pay for my time and insight. I only owe my staff my experience and knowledge. There are people that I definitely get as much from as I hope they do from me. This is where the l line gets blurry. Mutually beneficial professional relationships are different from someone asking me to explain or lecture on something. If I reach out to someone and ask for their insight on something, I would expect to have to pay them. If you reach out to me and I feel like I am going to have a one-sided conversation about how I do something, you are going to have to pay.
Four out of five requests I get for “hey I would like to come by and pick your brain” to be met with my consultation rates are met with silence. In a way I just vetted and filtered. If you don’t value my time, you are more than likely going to be a waste of my time. If you are good at something you never do it for free. People unwilling to pay do not realize the value they are getting, so it’s for the best.
The thing is compensation for my time shields from people not worth the time. It allows me to focus on the people that matter to me. I choose who pays and who does not, if you do not like that so be it. I do not need validation from everyone. I need it from the people that myself and the other person have a mutual respect for. You don’t ask, you don’t get – should be followed with you don’t pay, you don’t get.
It takes zero courage to DM someone and request time. It takes a lot of effort to get on our countless blogs, this website, these podcasts, pay for a membership and go through the material in detail. If you are going to ask me for something that I have available probably for free, you are insulting me by having to pay for it – that’s on you. You just got a free lesson from a mentor – don’t waste people’s time unless you are committed to learning.